By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
