Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
