Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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