One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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