Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
