You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
