a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
