I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
