Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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