she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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