Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
