my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
