haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
