TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
