Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
