Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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