when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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