HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
