her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
