it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
