you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
