I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
