haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
