Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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