I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So much rum. So many feels.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
