YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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