I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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