It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
