chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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