We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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