Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
