Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
