Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
