Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
