just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize