All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
