I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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