I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
