So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
