This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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