Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
