fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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