3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
