You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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