Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Drunk is not a location!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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