You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
