My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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