It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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