I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize