Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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