I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
that may or may not have been my penis.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
