Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
