is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
