I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
