thus making me awesome and them whores
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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