i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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