Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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