that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
