clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
