tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
