By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
