she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
