just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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