Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
