Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
